Finding Space for Me
Towards the end of last year I felt like I had started to lose myself. I had moved to somewhere that felt so like home, full of people I connect with, beautiful energy and so many things that I love, so I couldn’t work out why I wasn’t really feeling grounded or like myself. Here I was in a place I could finally really be myself but I felt like I had lost her along the way.
It isn’t at all surprising. Moving four children to a different town, pretty far away from the only place they really knew, away from their friends and schools and favourite places, was never going to be easy. Add to this all their additional needs plus the unpacking and decorating (that is still all ongoing!) plus making new friends myself and all the endless admin that comes from moving house and towns/cities. A whole lot!
At the beginning of this year, I decided to start to take action. I am a big fan of the books Tiny Habits and Atomic Habits, so I thought about how to start introducing small things each day that would help me begin to emerge from the moving fog and start to feel like myself again.
Each month I am checking in with how I am doing and feeling, so that I can adjust things that aren’t working, keep doing things that are and hopefully each month add a little bit more to my daily and weekly rhythm.
Reading : I love books a lot. If I am feeling stressed, spending time in a bookshop or library, or just looking at my bookshelves can help me. feel so much calmer, inspired and uplifted. However, it can be so easy to let the phone take over any time that could be used for reading. It’s always with you for a start, right there in your pocket or on the table next to you. My screen time is way, way more than I want it to be, so I am finding ways to put other things physically in place of my phone. Unfortunately books don’t fit in my pocket but they do fit on the kitchen table, and that is where I have put my monthly lunchtime read. I read ten pages a day with my lunch and it’s making me so happy. This month I am reading “Authentic. How to be yourself and why it matters” by Professor Stephen Joseph. Rather fitting for this journey back to myself!
Then I also have a book by my bed for my nighttime reading. I am currently reading The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennet. I don’t always let go of my phone as early as I would like when I go to bed but I now always read before I go to sleep and I’m really enjoying this book, so it’s much easier to put the phone down. I would absolutely put my phone downstairs at nighttime but our evenings can be complicated (if you have neurodivergent children you will definitely understand!), so I need my phone for various reasons. This is the season I am in right now. One day I’ll be in the season of my phone being downstairs at night and that will be wonderful but for now this is where I am and that is okay!
Study : I should be in the third year of my part-time psychology degree this year but due to moving and homeschooling and all the things, I decided to postpone a year but I wanted to make sure that I could read as much as possible of the year three texts this year, so that I’m ahead when I start back in October. I also want to get into a study rhythm, so that when October comes around my Psychology study time has a firm place in my weekly schedule. I have decided to start small (Tiny/Atomic Habits influence!) and commit to reading 5 pages a day and listen to one Psychology podcast a week. Each month I will add to this but if feels great to be starting with something so achievable.
Creativity : Last October I turned 45 and set my self a “create 50 things before 50” challenge. It seemed really doable but so far I’ve been a bit stuck. I made a good start in October and November but haven’t managed anything since then. So, I’m breaking it down and most importantly making it available. If I need to go and get everything out of the cupboard each time, that will take up all my time and nothing will happen. So, I am using my basket technique (more coming on this soon and you can watch my IGTV episodes about our Sensory Basket and Weekend Basket!) and putting everything I need together, so that when I have 10 minutes I can do some creative work and not pick up my phone. This month I’m trying to get going with my quilt. I am planning to make two over the next 4 1/2 years but need to make sure that I regularly attend to this.
Home and Garden : We have so much to do in the house and garden. I love doing it all but it can be easy to let it all slip and nothing to get done. We have a monthly list on the fridge for the house and I’m working on a garden list too. I then need to break this down into manageable chunks, so that things can actually happen. I want to try and do at least one hour in the house and one hour in the garden a week, probably broken down into smaller amounts of time across the week. I’m working on getting into the flow with this.
Deepening my morning rituals : I am going to share more about my morning rituals with you very soon. The time I give myself each morning before anyone else is awake is so important for me to welcome the new day, set intentions and ground myself into the day.
When you are a parent of children who have additional needs it can be really easy to put everyone else first all of the time. This is the case for any parent but for those of us whose children need extra support it really can be hard to carve out the time we need for ourselves. I hope that my approach of finding small pockets of time inspires you to think about how you could do this too. Find a few minutes to write down things that matter to you. That will give you a great place to start. Then think about how you can do 5 minutes of one of those things a day. What do you need to be able to make those 5 minutes happen? A book to read on the kitchen table, a candle and matches for a short meditation, a post-it note on the fridge to remind you to dance for two songs while you are cooking dinner! Start really small and repeat it until it becomes part of your every day. And then add to it. Perhaps for now, 5 minutes is really all you can do. Celebrate that. And save your list for a season in your life when you will have more time. It will come and you will be so ready! xo
